Recurrent miscarriage

Stormy weather

stormy weather

 Our recurrent miscarriage story_stormy weather_Mrs H's favourite things_blog image

I think it is fair to say that the past month has been crap.

Life has dealt us an unfair hand and we have lurched from one stressful experience to the next.

It wasn’t meant to be this way. We’d just found out that I was expecting another baby. Mr H was on holiday for two weeks before beginning a new job and we had booked a few days away in Dorset.

But the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. 

Instead of visiting parks and castle we got the flu and spent our staycation in bed. Then as we started to feel better, I began to worry that I had lost the baby. We were so relieved when an early pregnancy scan confirmed that the baby had a heartbeat and everything seemed normal.

A few days later I woke in pain. The left side of my face was swollen, bruised and I was in agony. I was diagnosed with a nasty sinus infection, given antibiotics and ordered to get complete bed rest. 

My parents were called into action and they whisked Little Miss H and I back to Hertfordshire so they could look after us. After a few days of sleep I began to feel much better but then life took a turn for the worse again.

Little Miss H woke up one night having been sick.  She had a very high temperature, glazed eyes, rapid breathing and an aversion to lights. She was also covered in a rash. We called for an ambulance and Little Miss was rushed to hospital with suspected meningitis.

We spent the next few days in a room of our own in isolation. Test results ruled out meningitis and septicaemia. Eventually, after a few days of antibiotics Little Miss H was discharged. We drove back to Rochester believing that we would be able to get back to normal.

But then I started bleeding. Another pregnancy scan was arranged and this time our worst fears were confirmed. The baby’s heart had stopped beating. We had lost another child and I would have to be given medication to manage the miscarriage. 

That all happened on Tuesday. The miscarriage was over in a few hours. The grief will take longer to fade. The hole that the baby has left will not disappear overnight.

I am exhausted. Bruised. Battered. I don’t have anymore to give. 

I need to build myself up again. Slowly. Carefully. Piece by piece.

This family has been battered by storms over the past month. But we have battled the wind and the rain together. We have coped with all that has been thrown at us. We have done it together; the three of us. Our little family. 

This storm will pass over us. The sun will shine again. And who knows, we might even see a rainbow. 

Hugs 

Mrs H

xxxx

PS. If you or someone you know has suffered from a miscarriage then there is support out there. On both occasions I have found The Miscarriage Association to be a fantastic help. Their website provides practical and emotional support.  

Mami 2 Five

54 Comments

  • Reply
    Mud, Cakes and Wine
    March 3, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Wow you have had a tough time, my heart truly goes out to you. I can see we are a few moths later and i hope your starting to heal from everything that happened. The post was beautifully written and I know the pain a misscarriage brings. xxxx
    Mud, Cakes and Wine recently posted…Meal Plan 2nd March 2015My Profile

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      March 4, 2015 at 9:58 pm

      Thank you for your kind comments. It was a rough month and although it has taken some time I have managed to pull myself back to a happy place again. I am looking to the future with hope. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    threewaystobabyy
    November 9, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss! What a terrible past month you had. The sun will shine again, I promise!
    -www.threewaystobaby.com

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      November 16, 2014 at 7:30 pm

      Hello. Thank you so much for coming to visit my blog and for staying to comment. It was a tough month but thankfully it is over. Life seems to be getting back to an even keel now, which is brilliant. I hope to see you back here soon. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    You Baby Me Mummy
    November 5, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    Big massive hugs hun. I am so very sorry and I hope you have people looking after you xxx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      November 15, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      Hello. Thanks for your very caring comment. I had so many lovely people supporting me. Mr H was brilliant and both grandmas came to stay for a few days to help with Little Miss H so that I could get some rest. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    leighakendall
    November 1, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    I’m so sorry, lovely. I didn’t realise what had happened when you mentioned how awful October had been. I hope November is a much better month for you. So looking forward to our hug and chat next Saturday. Love xxxx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      November 15, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Hi Leigh. Thank you for your lovely comment. It was a tough month but we’re now half way through November and life looks brighter. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Lucinda Turner
    November 1, 2014 at 1:04 am

    So so sorry to read about how hard the past month has been. I wish you all the best for the future, you deserve it x

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      November 15, 2014 at 11:18 am

      Hi Lucinda. Thanks so much for your lovely comment. Life is looking much brighter at the moment. Thankfully. I hope to see you back soon. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Lisa - Four Walls, Rainy Days
    October 31, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    This is beautifully written and my heart is absolutely going out to you, you deserve a break! That is an awful lot to deal with at the one time – hopefully things get better from here on in.

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      November 15, 2014 at 10:35 am

      Hi Lisa. Thank you for visiting my little blog. Thanks also for your lovely comment. It us true, we did have a tough time but we got through it as a family. November has definitely been a better month and life is much happier. I hope to see you around here sometime soon. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Chantelle
    October 31, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    Oh, I am so very sorry. What a heck of a lot to deal with all at once! I had an ectopic pregnancy back in August and it took me a while to bounce back from that. It’s really difficult. I really do hope you’ve turned a corner now and things will start to look up!

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      November 1, 2014 at 11:01 pm

      Hello Chantelle. Thanks for coming to say hello. I am so sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy. I hope you are okay now and looking after yourself. This type of loss is so unique to the mother and it can feel like a real emptiness at times. I hope you have found lots of ways to fill that emptiness. Look after yourself and I hope to see you here soon. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Hayley @hayleyfromhome
    October 31, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    I wish I could offer some words to make things better but I’m sure it will only be time that does that. I’m sorry this month has been so tough for you and I hope the next one is better xx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      November 1, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      Hi Hayley. Thanks for your lovely comment. Time is an amazing healer. I feel stronger a little bit more each day. I’m feeling positive about the future. Also, Christmas is just around the corner… so, I can’t be sad. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Jenna Richards
    October 28, 2014 at 10:07 am

    Such a tough month for you and your family. I hope things start looking up for you soon. You will take time to heal, but you will. You just have to remember that, you will heal. xx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      November 1, 2014 at 10:56 pm

      Darling Jenna. Thank you for your lovely comment. This past week I have felt a lot better about life. I have had to move on and get on with life. That has really helped. I know I will heal but I need time. And thankfully I have a beautiful little girl who always makes me smile. Take care. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Katie Humphrey
    October 27, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    Such a beautiful and eloquent post. I am so, so sorry you have had this horrid month to deal with. You have taken on everything life has thrown at you, which was so much more thanyour fair share, and yet still found it in yourself to make us smile, give support and offer kind words to us all. I cannot wait till we get to meet in real life and I can give you a huge bear hug in real life not just a cyber one! xxx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 27, 2014 at 9:43 pm

      Katie – you are too kind. If my depression has taught me anything it is that life goes on. Sometimes you just have to ride out the storm and hope for better things ahead. Plus, I need to smile to stop myself from scaring small children. I can’t wait to meet you either. I feel like I’ve known you all for ages. It is so strange that we’ve never had a conversation face-to-face. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Sara Carvosso
    October 26, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    Oh such a horrible month for you all. Big hugs for you all I have no idea how hard and how much pain you are in but I hope good times are ahead. Thanks for linking to #sundayroundup

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:57 pm

      Hi Sara. Thanks for your lovely comment. I hope that there are good times ahead. That sounds really nice to me. I would be happy with that. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    hslater
    October 26, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    Huge hugs to you and your family, this is a lot for anyone to deal with, I wish with all my heart that you get your shining rainbow in this storm!

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:55 pm

      Hello. Thanks for visiting my blog and for leaving such a lovely comment. It has been a rough old time but I can already see the sun shining. We are lucky to have wonderfully supportive family and friends. They are helping us through this time and I am sure that the pain of the past few weeks will heal…in time! Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Beautwins Blog
    October 26, 2014 at 7:46 pm

    You are such a brave and amazing woman. To go through all this and still be found smiling is testament to your strength of character and the love of your family. I’m so sorry you’ve had an awful month. When things don’t always go the way you first thought, it can mean that better things are to come. Hard to imagine but stay positive and your life will open up even more. Good things do happen to good people and although you are suffering a loss and as hard as it may be for me to say. Life has a funny way of turning us in to different directions. Sending so many hugs and I can’t wait to meet you. Mwah xxxxxx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:51 pm

      Hi gorgeous Kat. Thank you for your amazingly lovely comment. I wish I felt brave and strong. Instead, I feel like a little girl who is trying to find her way a day at a time. That is all I can do. I will feel better – a little bit each day. And it will be thanks to the support of an amazing husband and my family and friends. Thanks honey. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    karen beddow
    October 26, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    You know we are all here for you and are lucky to have you in our lives. Give those around you big hugs Thanks for linking up with #sundaystars come and join us again next week. Thanks for linking up with #sundaystars love Kx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:49 pm

      Hi Karen. Thanks for your amazing comment. I am so lucky to have found such s supportive group of blogging friends. You guys have already helped me in more ways than you can know. I hope to be able to concentrate more on my blog so that I can make you all proud. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    moderndadpages
    October 26, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine after a month that you have had, how you are feeling. Stay strong when you can, but cry when you need too. I learned that in the spring after losing my dad.

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:47 pm

      Hello. Thank you for your excellent advice. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. That must have been a hugely painful time for you. you are right that it is important for me not to fight my feelings. Sometimes I will feel like crying and I should allow that. It is all part of the healing process. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Lauren Boysandbobbins
    October 26, 2014 at 11:25 am

    Oh goodness I cannot begin to imagine how hard all of this must have been for you all, I am so sorry for your loss. Well done for staying so strong throughout it all. I hope happier times are ahead for you x #sundaystars

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:44 pm

      Hello Lauren. Thanks for visiting my little realm of blogdom and for leaving a comment. We have been through a lot. But I am a big believer that time it’s healer and I know that gradually, day by day, we will be able to move on and put this horrible time in the past (where it belongs). Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    mamavsteacher
    October 26, 2014 at 9:45 am

    I cannot begin to understand how difficult this has been for you but I am glad that you are all physically on the mend, I know your hearts will take a lot longer xx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:42 pm

      Hello. Thank you for your lovely comment. We have been through a lot but we are on the mend. Little Miss H is full of beans and won’t stop climbing on everything. She is definitely back to her usual cheeky self. You wouldn’t believe that a little over a week ago she was rushed to hospital. The grief will take longer to pass for Mr H and I. But we are trying to get back to normal life and to being able to build ourselves up again. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    sarah Christie
    October 26, 2014 at 9:36 am

    You have had such a terrible time, I cant imagine the pain you are in, I hope you are starting to mend and you have brighter times in front of you x

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:38 pm

      Dear Sarah. Hello and thank you for your lovely comment. The pain of grief is pretty intense. It washes over me in waves and I find it very difficult to control. Nighttime seems to be the time it really hits me. So I am now trying to keep myself awake until I am exhausted. Then I should fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow and I won’t have to think. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Beth Twinderelmo
    October 26, 2014 at 9:26 am

    I’m so desperately sad for you all. Glad DD is ok after such a scare. And I can’t begin to imagine how you are feeling. What an awful time. I hope that writing may help. We are all head to listen xxx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:35 pm

      Hi Beth. Thank you for popping by and for taking the time to comment. Writing this post did really help. Until I started blogging I never realised how cathartic writing could be. I am very lucky to have such wonderful support from all you lovely bloggers. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    mummyofboygirltwins
    October 26, 2014 at 9:09 am

    Such a rough time for you all 🙁 Am so sorry. Really sad news about the miscarriage. I hope you have a much better time ahead – you all deserve it so much xxx Jess

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:33 pm

      Hello lovely Jess. Thank you so much for your kind comment. It has been rough recently. But we are survivors and this too shall pass. Little by little, day by day the pain will heal. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Natalie Smithson
    October 26, 2014 at 8:47 am

    My darling Mrs H. I’m desperately hoping to get a little chuckle out of you here, but are you sure this isn’t an episode of Eastenders? I want to give you the biggest hug imaginable. The pain of miscarriage is really quite unique, grieving for a baby you could only imagine. It’s hard, even without being so poorly too. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry you won’t meet your little one outside of your hearts. Know that you can beat anything life throws at you. You’ve done it before and you’ll do it again x

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:31 pm

      Hello honey. Thanks for your gorgeous comment. You did indeed get a cheeky smile from me. Although I would hope my life is more like an episode of Hollyoaks. They have a lot more fun then those sad individuals from Albert Square.

      You are so right. The pain of miscarriage is unique. It is a grief that only you and your partner can really experience. And it is important to remember that you aren’t just mourning the loss of a child. You are also grieving for the hopes, dreams and future that will never exist. But you are right…I will heal. It will just take some time. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Mummy Melton
    October 26, 2014 at 8:44 am

    So sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough time. Sending you all lots of love & hugs xx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:26 pm

      Hello. Thanks for visiting and commenting. I really appreciate your support. It means so much to have such lovely people who cafe. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Eileen T
    October 26, 2014 at 8:04 am

    You’ve certainly been through a lot. So sorry for your loss but happy to hear that your daughter didn’t have meningitis. Thinking of you and your family.xx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:24 pm

      Dear Eileen. Hello and thank you for visiting my blog and for commenting. It has been a rough old few weeks. But it was such a blessing that Little Miss H didn’t have meningitis. I was absolutely terrified. I think I would have broken down in tears in the A&E if they had diagnosed meningitis. She is back to her normal gorgeous but cheeky self now. You would never have guessed how ill she was. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Katie-Annie Haydock
    October 26, 2014 at 7:42 am

    I’m thinking of you and sending love. Thank you for sharing xxxx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:21 pm

      Hi lovely Katie. Thanks for reading and commenting. And thank you for your thoughts and love. It means a lot. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    rachel_bitmead
    October 26, 2014 at 7:17 am

    You have all been through so much this past month but as a strong family you can get through it. Keep looking for that rainbow xx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:20 pm

      Hi Rachel. Thanks for your lovely comment. I am fortunate that I have wonderful family and we support each other. Mr H, Little Miss H and I are a team and together we can face anything. But I am still going to keep looking for that rainbow. Hopefully, I won’t be waiting for too long. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Karen (@karenjwhitlock)
    October 26, 2014 at 6:20 am

    Sending you lots of love. This is so beautifully written and must have been hard revisiting all you have been through. You have come through a really rough patch and I am sure your family will be even closer and stronger as a result x

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:18 pm

      Hi lovely Karen. Thank you for your wonderful comment. You are so lovely. It has really helped writing this. It is hard to believe that so much has happened in such a short space of time. I hope we now have a few weeks of respite! Hugs Mrs H xxxx

    • Reply
      Karen Whitlock
      October 26, 2014 at 9:37 pm

      Your whole blog is an inspiration. It has really helped me reading what you have written about.
      love you x

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      October 26, 2014 at 9:53 pm

      Ahhhh Karen. Thank you. If my words only help one person then that is good enough for me. Hugs xxx

    Leave a Reply

    CommentLuv badge

    Pin It on Pinterest