Mental health Motherhood

Living with long-term depression: Deciding to become a parent

A photograph of a young mother wearing winter clothes and a large navy fedora walking a long a stormy Cornish beach hand in hand with her very cute toddler daughter - Living with long-term depression and deciding to become a parent - Mrs H's favourite things

Deciding to have children is a tough decision at the best of times.

Deciding to start a family when you have a long-term illness and take regular medication is another thing altogether.

I recently read an article in The Guardian that discusses the July 2014 guidelines that were issued to GPs by the National Institute of Clinical Excellence (NICE). These guidelines give doctors advice on how they should treat female patients who suffer from depression. In particular, it recommends that GPs talk to these women about their plans to have children and how these life choices could affect their mental health.

Encouraging women with mental health issues to talk to their GP is the right thing to do. Any woman who suffers from a long-term condition and is on regular medication should have a discussion with their GP before trying for a baby.

Yet, these new guidelines bother me.

There are GPs out there who will provide their patients with good and measured advice and will help them weigh up the risks. But there are also GPs who don’t know much about how depression should be treated during pregnancy.

Research about how depression is affected by pregnancy (or vice versa) and the risk of taking anti-depressants when pregnant is scant. This is mainly due to the ethicality of testing medication on pregnant women. This leads me to worry that some GPs will give inaccurate and misleading information to female patients who suffer from mental health issues and want to have children.

Having long-term depression and taking medication does not preclude women from having children. I am living proof of this. That is why I want to share my story.

Living with long-term depression: Deciding to become a parent

 

When my depression was at it’s worst I believed that I was destined to be childless.

I couldn’t get out of bed. The thought of taking the 30 second walk to the shower was crippling. I wasn’t able to look after myself. The idea that I could be a mother was terrifying and highly unlikely.

Years later, I was better. I would never be fully recovered. Depression was and always will be a part of my life. But I had what could constitute a normal life.

I had a full-time job at a charity. I was living in London with my boyfriend and I was happy. I was looking to the future with hope.

Yet, during that time I had managed to convince myself that I didn’t want children.

My mind was cluttered with negative thoughts that all led to one conclusion. My depression meant that I should not become a parent … ever.

  • How would I manage being pregnant and not on any medication?
  • Surely my history of recurring depression would mean I was at higher risk of developing pre-natal and post-natal depression?
  • How would I cope if anything happened to the baby?
  • What if it was genetic and my child were to get depression because of me? How could I live with the guilt? How could I subject my child to a future that contained such misery?

I resigned myself to a life without children. I had taken a mature decision and taken control of my depression. I felt pleased with myself.

That was until I saw my psychiatrist.

I was lucky. I had a brilliant psychiatrist. He understood me and I spoke to him about most things. But he also challenged me.

In one session, I was discussing my blossoming relationship with Mr H. This led to the subject of children.

I proudly told him the decision I had made and my reasons behind it.

He replied with one word:

“Rubbish!”

He tore apart every argument I made.

He reminded me that I had often told him how much I would love to have children. And he stated that in his professional opinion, having the stability and focus of a family could be the making of me.

I left that appointment in tears. I had been challenged. And I had been presented with a bright new future. A future where Mr H and I could have a family.

After that, our decision to start trying for children was never going to be romantic or spurr of the moment. I was never going to turn to Mr H and say:

“Darling, I want to start trying for a baby. I want to start trying tonight.”

Cue Barry White on the iPod and the lights dimming.

Instead, our decision to have children involved many medical professionals and was orchestrated over a number of years. This was mainly due to the very strong anti-depressants that I was taking.

I couldn’t even contemplate having children whilst I was on this medication. It wouldn’t be safe for the baby and it wouldn’t be safe for me.

The process would involve being weaned off the anti-depressant I was on. Once this was done a new anti-depressant that would be safe for pregnancy could be introduced.

Again, I was lucky. A failed attempt at managing my depression without anti-depressants led to my psychiatrist putting me on sertraline. An anti-depressant that is believed to be the safest in pregnancy and would allow me to breast feed.

Once I had been on the new anti-depressant for a few months and was happy, Mr H and I started trying for a baby. I got pregnant very quickly but at 10 weeks was told that I had suffered a missed miscarriage that would need to be medically managed.

Having a miscarriage was awful and left me feeling empty inside. Mr H and I dealt with the sadness together. Then a few months later, I was pregnant again with our rainbow baby; Little Miss H.

I was monitored closely throughout the pregnancy.

I saw my doctor regularly, discussed my depression with my midwife and was referred to a consultant at the local hospital. They also kept a close eye on the baby’s heart to make sure that there were no adverse reactions from the anti-depressants.

I also had appointments with a midwife who specialised in mental health. We discussed how I could change my attitude towards being a mum so that I would not set myself up to fail. I began to accept that it was impossible to be the world’s most perfect mother. My child needed my love and that was good enough.

In May 2013 I gave birth to our darling daughter.

depression

My psychiatrist was right. Becoming a mother has been the making of me.

It is hard. Bloody hard at times.

There have been tears and I may have even felt like giving up.

But I haven’t given up!

I have got up every morning and looked after my daughter.

I am a mum now and Little Miss H comes first. My family come first. They are my life. And they make me better.

Hugs

Mrs H

xxxx

PS. I am not a doctor. This is just my personal experience of deciding to start a family whilst suffering from long-term depression. If you have a mental health issue and wish to have children or think you may be pregnant then please go and talk to your doctor. And if you are not happy with that discussion then please ask to speak to a consultant or midwife who specialises in mental health and pregnancy.

PPS. You can also contact the charity MIND for confidential advice on 0300 123 3393. This helpline is open Monday to Friday (except Bank Holiday) from  09.00 – 18.00.

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67 Comments

  • Reply
    Eileen
    January 23, 2017 at 2:16 pm

    This is beautiful. I recently was diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety – fir the first time at 31! I already was struggling with the idea of children and now am having a very difficult time allowing myself to think I can do it. In fact, I have a fantasy of having a child only if I get 100% ‘better’. I just started an SSRI though and am feeling much more stable, which gives me hope but I still have so many doubts. Seeing you persevere and walk on is amazing though. It’s an incredible thing, you sharing your story, and exactly the kind of story I needed to find to help me through this. Thank you so much.

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      January 23, 2017 at 2:34 pm

      Oh Eileen, thank you so much for your comment. I know how hard it is to have depression. You are unsure what it you and what is the illness. And you question what you can do. Not wanting to push yourself too hard or risk getting ill. Having children is hard but it is definitely not out of the question just because you have mental health problems. It may mean that you will need extra support but that really isn’t a bad thing. I am now a mother of two wonderful children and having them has been the best thing I have ever done. They give me a reason to get up in the morning and to be happy. They give me a reason to see the best in myself and the world. Plus, they are the most awesome little people and I made them. They give me a reason to be proud of myself. Good luck! I am always here if you need to chat. Hugs Lucy xxxx

  • Reply
    Mummyitsok
    January 1, 2017 at 9:40 pm

    You have come so far with your depression and I think you’re so brave for having a child whilst suffering with depression. Since having my little one I’ve had postnatal depression and It’s tough! It’s good to know things do get easier 🙂

  • Reply
    Sian QuiteFranklySheSaid
    September 10, 2016 at 9:47 pm

    It makes me so sad to read if how much you’ve suffered over the years, I want to just wrap you up in a huge hug. You’ve come a long way and I’m sure your experiences and story will be do helpful and reassuring to others. Thank you for linking up to #SundayBest x

  • Reply
    Lauren | Belle du Brighton
    October 31, 2015 at 10:29 pm

    Well done for sharing your story, I am so glad there is a happy ending and really hope that this post will help anyone else in the same situation!
    Lauren | Belle du Brighton recently posted…A Rambling we will go… Slindon Bottom!My Profile

  • Reply
    Leah
    August 25, 2015 at 10:54 am

    Thanks for sharing this, really moving 🙂

  • Reply
    Pen
    May 22, 2015 at 7:56 pm

    This is a wonderful and really honest post. Thank you so much for sharing it. I think you are a wonderful Mum and because of everything you have been through you are probably more thoughtful and conscious of the impact that parents can have on their children. You are really strong – a key lesson that children need to learn is how to overcome obstacles and adversity. You are a fantastic role model for your little girl. You should be really proud of yourself if you are not already. xx
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  • Reply
    teacuptoria
    May 12, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    This is such an honest post Lucy and I think you’re wonderful for sharing your experiences. There will be someone else out there struggling and thinking they can’t have children when they truly want them and your story will give them hope. Isn’t that amazing to be able to do that. You’ve come such a long way on your journey and I really admire your determination and spirit to keep overcoming your illness. You’re truly an inspiration. xxx
    teacuptoria recently posted…The Truth About Domestic BlissMy Profile

  • Reply
    aNoviceMum
    May 7, 2015 at 3:17 pm

    What a fab post! Wow, thanks for sharing. It’s lovely reading your story; so encouraging and inspiring. Motherhood is so fab, isn’t it; despite being massively hard in different ways too. I’m glad you’re motherhood, I’m glad you had the right support to help you on this road; and I hope you will continue to do better and better and better as Little Miss H grows.

    I’m really glad I clicked on the link to your post in Slouching Thatcham’s weekend recommendations. #aNoviceMumBlogHop
    aNoviceMum recently posted…The Weekday Social Media Blog Love Link Party Feast 2My Profile

  • Reply
    Jessie
    May 5, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    This post has helped me today. I’m so glad you wrote it and I’m glad it was featured on #twinklytuesday and I found it! My husband and I are embarking on international adoption. We will bring our first adopted child home soon and my body has changed so much over the years. I deal with things I did not deal with in my younger parenting years. I had doubts over my capability to parent effectively through these changes. Your post helps my perspective. Thank you for sharing your story.
    Jessie recently posted…How I Was a Mother AgainMy Profile

  • Reply
    Katie (Growing Up KaterTot)
    May 5, 2015 at 10:54 am

    What a beautiful story! Since college, I have suffered from anxiety and have been on medication. I was so frightened to wein off my meds so that my body was prepared for pregnancy, but it was truly the best decision of my life. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. <3 #twinklytuedays

  • Reply
    Sadia
    May 4, 2015 at 4:35 am

    Mrs. H, I felt like you were telling my story… from the overwhelming weight of getting out of bed, to being certain motherhood was out of reach, to being challenged and choosing the amazing joyous path of motherhood. In my case, it was my husband who challenged me, and I spent a year in therapy prior to getting pregnant to be sure I was in the right mental state to be a good mother. I can’t help thinking that mothers like you and me, who live with managed depression, can do a better job than our parents’ generation at helping children and adolescents identify depression early and GET HELP. I wasn’t diagnosed until my 20s, but in retrospect, I remember depressive symptoms as early as age 7. #TwinklyTuesday
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  • Reply
    Christine - Yogaberry
    May 3, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    wow what a powerful post. You are so brave for sharing your story! I have never suffered from depression but I did have a miscarriage and I can’t even imagine how that must have been for you… I’m so sorry for your loss but also so pleased for you that you have your beautiful sunshine now and seem to be doing so much better! Having children teaches us so much about ourselves and for lots of people it’s very therapeutic I think xx
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  • Reply
    Mummy Tries
    May 3, 2015 at 6:46 am

    I’m so pleased to have found your gorgeous blog. We need more ladies like you sharing their stories for the women out there in the predicament you were in before deciding to become a mum. Hope you’re having a lovely weekend xx
    Mummy Tries recently posted…Sharing the Blog LoveMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jenni - Odd Socks and Lollipops
    May 2, 2015 at 2:50 pm

    I too have suffered with depressed to varying degrees for more than the last decade and I can say without a doubt that the decision to become a parent is the best decision I ever made. Thank you so much for sharing this – more awareness needs to be raised about depression and becoming a parent and you are doing just that!
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  • Reply
    Sarah
    May 2, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    Reading this in a cafe and finding myself slightly teary.
    What an informative post.. so refreshing to read such honesty in blog land.
    I’m so glad your little one has been the making of you- that is so lovely to hear 🙂
    xxx

  • Reply
    Something for the weekend: Decisions and consequences | Slouching towards Thatcham
    May 2, 2015 at 6:00 am

    […] wrote Depression and deciding to become a parent late last year, but I missed it first time around and only read it this week. It’s an […]

  • Reply
    Sara (@mumturnedmom)
    May 1, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    Oh, I have tears in my eyes reading this. What a brave and inspiring post. Thank you for sharing this, I have no doubt that it will be a huge help to others x
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  • Reply
    Tim
    April 29, 2015 at 10:17 pm

    Brave. Honest. Inspiring. A fab post, and one that should serve as a reminder for any actual or prospective parent. It’s so important that stories like yours are shared. No one should ever jump into the decision to have a child without considering the ramifications, but no one should ever dismiss the possibility out of hand either. Your psychiatrist was very wise.
    Tim recently posted…Wednesday Words of Wisdom: Knowing the path and walking the pathMy Profile

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 30, 2015 at 5:26 am

      Oh, Tim. Thank you for your lovely comment. I completely agree with you. Someone with a mental health or physical issue should consider the risks involved. But I would hate to think that they would dismiss it out of hand. If you have the right help and support then anything is possible. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Rachel - tenminutesspare
    April 29, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    It’s lovely to hear your story with the happy ending. It sounds as if you’ve had such a tough time with depression it’s wonderful that you found, not only the right person Mr h, but the right professional support to enable you to have children. I’m sure your post will be inspiring to many others. It also raises the important point that it sounds as though you did have access to good health services at this time. Clearly this is important for all women with a history of physical or mental health complications when it comes to planning a family. So a really useful post to raise awareness of this too. X

  • Reply
    Karen
    April 29, 2015 at 8:18 am

    Such an amazing post darling. You are so very brave sharing this, and I know by doing so you will be giving so much help to other women who’ve been in your situation X

  • Reply
    Caro | The Twinkles Mama
    April 29, 2015 at 8:06 am

    Aaah Lucy. This is such an inspiring and brave post. For anyone suffering with long-standing health problems, often the GP’s word is law. We take note of what they say and — blindly assuming they know best — sometimes don’t look for a second opinion.

    What a happy stroke of luck you met your fabulous psychiatrist. If he hadn’t opened up the possibilities of motherhood, you probably wouldn’t have Sophie now. I hope other ladies in the same position that you were once in, read your post and are inspired. Thanks so much for linking up to #TwinklyTuesday

    Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk
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  • Reply
    Helen H
    April 28, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    Thank you for your post. It strikes a chord with me. Although not reliant on anti depressants for some time I have been in the past. My reasons for not having children were very similar to yours but my own Mr H persuaded me to change my mind. After 2 missed miscarriages, we had our little Miss H in Nov 2010. I do struggle sometimes but on the whole manage as well as most. She is amazing, of course, and such a happy child! Oh, and before baby I worked full time for a charity, now I’m part time 😉 Thanks again, take care and good luck. HH x

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 29, 2015 at 6:17 am

      Thank you for your comment. Wow, what a small world! I am so thrilled that your Mr H persuaded you to change your mind and that you didn’t give up after the miscarriages. I know the pain of miscarriage and it can be very hard to pull yourself together and move on. Your Little Miss H sounds like a ray of sunshine and a joy in your life. You are going to have tough days but as long as you can focus on her then they will be bearable. Thanks again for commenting. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Freewheelingfive
    April 28, 2015 at 8:31 pm

    What a lovely read. Well done for being so open and honest about your health. It’s people like you that will change the way we look at depression and other mental health illnesses. It’s good to talk x

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 29, 2015 at 6:21 am

      Thank you for your comment. It is indeed good to talk. And it is hard for me not to talk about something that is such a huge part of my life. But I do hope you are right and this helps other people to open up about their mental health issues. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Everything Mummy
    April 28, 2015 at 8:06 pm

    such a brave post Lucy you are amazing to have overcome such a hard time and be where you are today so inspiring and Miss H is beautiful well done hun this post will help so many xx
    Everything Mummy recently posted…Maisy’s First Trip To LondonMy Profile

  • Reply
    Fiona
    April 28, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    I am glad you had a good psychiatrist. When I discussed ADs with my GP the first time, I was told that in no way should I even consider them. In that context, at that time, this was not good advice. Later on, when I was really well, I was told in no way should I even consider coming off. In that context, at that time, that was not good advice.

    We need women to have individualised medication advice relating to their depression, as they would with every other physical condition.

    We also need – and I mean this in the best way possible – to stop telling people that they are brave for talking about depression. I know every single person who says this wants to recognise the courage it takes to talk about depression, and I would not want to invalidate that recognition because there IS stigma, and because of that stigma, those of us who say we have or now need treatment for depression do require courage.

    However, the problem with terming it “brave” is that it implies that there is something to this shame we get a side-helping of with our condition, as Ruby Wax put it. We may or we may not be brave to fight the black dog, as people with cancer or psoriasis or diabetes may or may not be in their fights against their conditions, but how many people with physical conditions are told they are brave for the mere fact of stating they have had or currently have an illness? It’s an objective statement of fact. We need to move towards a world in which no one needs to be “brave” to say they have depression, anxiety or any other mental health illness.

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 29, 2015 at 6:29 am

      Thanks for your comment. I am sorry that your GP was so unhelpful. I think it is so important that someone with mental health issues gets to talk to the right professionals. Only then will they be able to get the individualised medical care that they need. I know that my situation was/ is unique and not everyone will be able to have the answers that I was given. I also think you are right about the responses to talking about depression. I don’t feel brave for talking about something that is such a huge part of my life. But some people do struggle to talk about something so personal and that there is still a taboo about. I hope that this post contributes in some way to ending this taboo. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Adrian
    April 28, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    Thank you for writing this. It takes a lot to open up something so personal for the world to see. I don’t think I could do that. I’m sure much of what you’ve said will touch so many people who may be or have struggled with depression. The medical establishment has a long way to go but it’s good to hear there are progressive practitioners out there. And as we all know even people with no history of depression can find it strikes once they have a baby. It’s a perfectly ‘normal’ thing – humans have colds and sneezes. We also have colds of the mind. And like the common cold there may be no cure but it doesn’t have to stop us having a wonderful life or having wonderful families. x

  • Reply
    Zena's Suitcase
    April 28, 2015 at 3:59 pm

    what a beautiful, balanced and sensitive post. I felt every word of this and I’m delighted to hear you have had a family and managed depression. I hope your post inspires mums and mum’s to be about what can be achieved x
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 29, 2015 at 6:33 am

      Thank you so much for your comment. Your lovely words mean so much to me. I really hope that this post does help mums or mums-to-be and inspires them to know that everything is possible if given the right help and support. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Leigh - Headspace Perspective
    April 28, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    Oh lovely Lucy, this is such a beautiful post. I’ve no doubt your honesty will help so many others in a similar position. What an amazing psychiatrist you had! If only all of them were like that. Beautiful photo of you with your baby xxx
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  • Reply
    mummyofboygirltwins
    April 28, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    This is why you’re a fantastic person, Mummy and blogger – for your strength and sharing your brave story. So glad your precious little girl is in the world and that you’ve got to experience Motherhood. Fab post and it has clearly touched a lot of people already xx

  • Reply
    Sammy at Seize each day
    April 28, 2015 at 8:54 am

    Oh lovely MrsH you really are an inspiration to us all.

    Your honesty is amazing and although I know it was hard for you to press that publish button, you must feel so liberated in having done so.

    The stigma attached to ‘depression’ is lifting and so it should. As you say it is an illness the same as diabetes or arthritis etc and should be treated as such not just ignored. Well done you.

    I feel so proud of you even though I haven’t met you, but hope that one day we will. Biggest hugs to you and hold your head up and feel proud; very proud. xxx
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 29, 2015 at 6:36 am

      Thank you for your gorgeous comment, Sammy. You made me well up a little. I hope that my best encourages other women in the same situation to believe that the life they want is possible. They just need to fight for the right help and support. I was lucky to have that help and support and it did make all the difference in the world. Thanks again lovely. I hope to meet you someday soon too. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Kirsten Toyne
    April 28, 2015 at 7:01 am

    Thank you for your honesty in this post. It is through honesty that we learn about the breadth and depth of mental health issues and also motherhood, which is much needed. I still find it a surprise and a deep shame that there is still a stigma attached to mental health problems. But it is through people telling their stories, like you have that understanding gets better.

    Great post. I am so pleased to hear how your family have helped you and I am so sure that you help them in more ways than you can see.

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 28, 2015 at 7:43 am

      Thank you for your lovely comment. I agree with you about the stigma attached to mental health issues. It is because of that stigma that I always worry when I publish posts like this one. I fear that people will judge me. But it is always amazing to have such a wonderful response. And even if one person who needs to reads this post then I know that I have done the right thing pressing ‘publish’. Plus, as you say, the more we talk about depression and mental health issues the more understanding will grow. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Hayley @hayleyfromhome
    April 28, 2015 at 6:36 am

    Oh darling, what a beautiful, brave and heartfelt post. You can tell how important this is to you and I know from hearing you talk about your daughter just how much being a mother means to you. It is amazing that you found the support to give you the confidence to go for it, I’m sure many women can relate and I hope someone reads this and realises that she can do it too. Lots of love xx
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  • Reply
    Julia @ rainbeaubelle
    April 28, 2015 at 6:11 am

    Such a brave post to write and I know it will be helpful to others in a similar situation thinking – or not thinking – about having kids. You’re doing an amazing job Lucy. Lots of love x
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 28, 2015 at 6:27 am

      Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I really hope that this post helps other people in a similar situation. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Rachel
    April 28, 2015 at 6:04 am

    What a wonderfully honest and brave post. I suffered with anxiety after having sam. Ironically I don’t think I could have got through it if it weren’t for him as he gave me a reason to get up every day. It looks like you’re doing fab and a massive inspiration xxxxx
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 28, 2015 at 6:35 am

      Thank you for your lovely comment. Having such a fabulous reason to get up every morning makes such a difference when all you want to do is stay in bed all day. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    martyn
    April 28, 2015 at 6:00 am

    Oh, lovely Lucy.

    I read this last night and I’ll be honest I read it a couple of times s nd it had me in tears. Phone went down. Read it again this morning and started again.

    Thank you for sharing this. It’s something that is needed to be read.

    I didn’t have ‘depression’ When is had the boys ( more likely just didn’t have any diagnosis) id is had I would have questioned it. Like you though or had all those questions and thoughts in my mind when we first expected William but it was about physical health. again it’s so clear to see that it was about gain interlocked then)

    The thing that really stood out thought in your beautiful writing is that becoming a mum was the making of you.

    my mental health like yours is up and down. I’m never going to lose it. But the boys have rebuilt me, made me and actually parented me through depression. It is for them that I still get up. It took me longer to start but it happened anyway.

    many people will read this and relate on the pregnancy side of it. You, my dear are nothing but amazing and an inspiration.

    As always, a fantastic post x
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 28, 2015 at 6:44 am

      Oh Martyn, thank you for your truly wonderful comment. You are so kind. I really hope that this post inspires other people in a similar situation. Becoming a parent is terrifying but it can often be the most fabulous experience ever. And it is an experience that people with mental health issues can have. They just need to be given the right help and the right support. But anything is possible. I am living proof of that. And I totally relate to what you say about your boys parenting you through your depression. When I am low, Little Miss H seems to sense it and on those days she is the most loving and caring child. She gives me extra cuddles and kisses and always has the biggest smile just for me. It is the perfect medicine. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Kat | Beau Twins
    April 28, 2015 at 5:59 am

    Such a powerful and important message being sent here. Well done darling for being so brave and honest in your beautiful writings about depression and motherhood. You are super woman to me. I hope this reaches out far and wide to those that are uncertain. You are an amazing mummy and have so much love to give as a friend, mummy, wife and daughter. Big love gorgeous lady. Xxxx
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 28, 2015 at 6:50 am

      Thank you for your wonderful comment darling. I don’t feel like a super woman. I just feel like me. And it is an honour to be able to share my experiences and know that I am helping others. I really hope that anyone who needs to read this post gets to read it. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Heledd @heleddlavender
    April 28, 2015 at 12:23 am

    Lovely Mrs H, this is such a powerful and important post. You may not be a medical professional but you know what you’re talking about and this post will help so many women out there, who are suffering with long term depression. Your brave, honest writing is inspirational and deserves recognition. Becoming a mother changes us all, you’re little angel has given you focus, meaning and above all happiness. All the things you need and deserve. Big hugs xxx
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 28, 2015 at 8:09 am

      Thank you for your lovely comment, beautiful lady. You are so kind. I really hope that sharing my experiences does help women out there who are suffering from long-term depression. I will then feel my blog is a success. Little Miss H has brought me more than I could ever have dreamed or imagined. I am a better person in every way because she is in my life. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Katie Haydock
    April 27, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    Mrs H you are so brave!
    Not only is this an amazing piece of writing, it’s amazing that you are so strong that you can share your experiences.
    I know that someone in this position will find this post and feel relieved and know where to go from here.
    Amazing lady xxxxx

  • Reply
    Sarah Christie
    April 27, 2015 at 10:07 pm

    Lucy you are so inspirational and brave to share your story, this will help others so much you are amazing and I am proud to be your friend x
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  • Reply
    Ally Mother Under Measure
    April 27, 2015 at 9:48 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It made me pretty emotional tbh, from two angles; firstly I’m really sorry to hear you went through all of this, especially the miscarriage after you’d done so much to get pregnant in the first place. Secondly because reading it was like reading my own thoughts. Every single part of your thought process I had, deciding to become a mum was terrifying, but yet it felt right. I wasn’t able to come off my meds, after being diagnosed with antenatal depression they decided it was too much of a risk me being without, that the risk of harm from medication was lower than the risk of harm to myself without. It was scary but thankfully I was referred to a psychologist who helped loads.
    By sharing this it really helps people like me feel less ‘abnormal’. I always tell myself it’s because I’m a total reject, a loser, and that’s why I feel like this. Seeing someone else put into word how I felt, someone so ‘normal’ makes me realise that I’m not alone. I don’t know if that makes sense but I’m sure you know what I mean? It is sad that depression will always be a part of our lives but after 15 years of trying to learn to live with it I think I’m getting there, and I think you are too. Thank you again for your open and raw post, from the bottom of my heart I mean that. Xx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 27, 2015 at 9:55 pm

      Oh Ally. I cried reading this comment. I just want to give you the most massive hug. You are so brave and an amazing mum. Having depression is horrible and unless you have had it then it is hard to understand how crippling it is and how it does affect every aspect of your life. I was so scared when Mr H and I decided to start trying. I had so many negative thoughts zooming around my head. And some of those fears came true – the miscarriage. But I survived and you did too. Some days are hard and I just want to sleep forever. But I get up and I go and hug my daughter. Her smile always lifts me.

      You are not a reject or loser anymore than I am. We have an illness… Like epilepsy or diabetes. We need to take medication and sometimes we need help. It just makes us human.

      You are wonderful and awesome. Never forget that. Massive hugs Lucy xxxx

  • Reply
    christina
    April 27, 2015 at 9:42 pm

    How brave of you to share your story! I am sure this will help many other woman struggling with the decision to have children. You have shown it can be done, and happily so.

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 27, 2015 at 10:00 pm

      Thank you so much for your comment. I just want people with mental health issues to know that nothing is impossible. With the right support and help a family is still possible. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Amie Madgett
    April 27, 2015 at 9:24 pm

    Great post and really moving. So lovely to read thigs have worked out well for you. I was suffering badly when I fell pregnant and have been so lucky that pregnancy and having my baby has made things a million times better for me. My son turned out to be the medicine I had been looking for and our little family is happier than ever xx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 27, 2015 at 9:59 pm

      I am so thrilled to read that your son has been the medicine you were looking for. Children can be such a blessing in so many ways. I am glad you were able to have a family and that has helped. Thanks for your lovely comment. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Mini Travellers
    April 27, 2015 at 9:12 pm

    you are a wonderful woman and you should always remember that. This post is just one of those reasons why. I truly hope this post and your honest thoughts gives others the strength and the confidence to become such a wonderful mum. Lots of love. Kx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 27, 2015 at 9:56 pm

      Thank you so much Karen. It was a very hard post to write. I started writing it in December last year. But I am so glad I pressed publish. The response has been over-whelming. Thank you also for your kind words. Big hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Lisa (mummascribbles)
    April 27, 2015 at 9:01 pm

    You are amazing. This post was written so brilliantly, you are so brave in sharing your story and trying to help others. I am so glad that mummyhood has been the making of you but very sorry to read of your sad loss – that can’t have been easy at such a time of transition. I can only imagine how much your finger hovered over that publish button with this post but thank you for sharing such a personal journey 🙂 lots of love xxx
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 27, 2015 at 9:47 pm

      Awwww honey, thank you for your lovely comment. I’ve never worried about pressing publish before. But it was really hard. I wanted this post to inspire women in a similar position. I would hate to think that anyone could be told that they shouldn’t have children when they could. My story is proof that you can get better and you can have a family. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Potty Mouthed Mummy
    April 27, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    What an incredibly brave post lovely and I can see why you wanted to spend so long writing this. I have no doubt this will mean so very much so many women in the same position. I am so glad you were able to overcome your doubts and become a mummy, despite some heartbreaking setbacks. Much love xxx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 27, 2015 at 9:44 pm

      Thank you for such a lovely comment. When I started writing this post I thought the words would flow easily. But it has been tough to write. I am glad that I managed to press publish. I just hope it will inspire other women who were in the position that I was. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Maria Noell
    April 27, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    Wonderful, informative and positive post gorgeous lady 🙂 It is brave and admirable for you to share your story and in turn this will help other ladies who could become wonderful mothers like you.
    Huge Love
    x Maria x

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      April 27, 2015 at 9:42 pm

      Thank you for your gorgeous comment lovely Maria. It is funny. I never feel brave or admirable writing posts like this. I worry that people will judge me and think I shouldn’t be a mother. But then I read lovely comments like yours. and I know that I did the right thing to press publish. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

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