Recurrent miscarriage

Moving on after a miscarriage

recurrent miscarriage

At the beginning of May, I went through my fourth miscarriage.

It was a shock. It was heartbreaking. I had believed and hoped that this pregnancy would go full-term. That the baby would be okay. I had hoped that things would be different.

Since then, I have had some time off blogging to rest and to recuperate. I’ve also spent some time navel gazing and deciding how I plan to move on with my life following my fourth miscarriage.

miscarriage

Moving on with life after a miscarriage

When I started writing this post it was quite different. It was a post called “feelings” and it went into depth about the various emotions that I have experienced since the miscarriage. But whilst writing this post I reached a point where I could not continue. I didn’t want to write about how I was feeling any longer.

I came to the conclusion that it isn’t helpful for me to dwell on what has happened. I know I am hurt and heartbroken. I know that it is only natural for me to feel this way. But I also know that constantly analysing these feelings and negative thoughts is keeping me in limbo. It is making me stand still. I am stuck in the past and fixated on a future that is currently not meant to be.

I am not moving forward. I am not getting on with my life.

Living with long-term depression has taught me that life goes on.

You may want the world to stop. You may want to crawl into your bed never to emerge again. But that is not possible. The world still turns. Every morning a new day dawns. And we have to get up out of that bed and get on with our lives.

I decided that enough was enough!

I am not going to wallow in self-pity. I am going to follow Taylor Swift’s advice and “Shake it off”.

It isn’t going to be easy. And I guarantee there will be days when all I want to do is sit in a corner and sob. But I can’t and I won’t. So these are the steps that I am taking to move on with my life post-miscarriage.

1. Put my health first

My physical health effects my mental and emotional health and is not something I can take lightly. At the start of this year I was exercising, eating healthily and getting more sleep and I felt good. But these good habits slipped and I need to start making my health a priority again.

2. Be mindful

I need to realise how lucky I am at this current moment in my life.

I am blessed. I have a wonderful, loving and supportive husband and an amazing daughter, who I adore. My family is pretty damn awesome.

Little Miss H is growing up to be an incredibly cool little person. I will never have this time with her again. I don’t want to waste it by dwelling on something I have no control over. I need to live in the moment and be mindful of all the wonderful things in my life.

3. Be pro-active

We have now been referred to a Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic for investigation. It is good to have taken some practical steps towards getting some answers and having support. Even if the tests say that I am fine and that these miscarriages have just been bad luck then at least we will know more than we know now.

4. Follow some good advice

My amazing great-uncle David is a very wise man. At times like these, I try to remember some of his inspiring advice.

“This too shall pass.”

and

“You can’t control what happens in your life but you can control your reaction to what happens in your life.”

This last piece of advice seems particularly pertinent at the moment.

When life is tough, I have a tendency to feel anxious and low and I am plagued by negative thinking. But my Uncle David and my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy taught me that I can control these feelings. I can take positive steps to helping change my mood and my outlook on life.

5. Stop faffing and start doing

I am a massive faffer. I can spend hours not doing anything or jumping from one job to the next without accomplishing anything.

But faffing makes me feel terrible. My mood is better when I am pro-active and accomplishing things. When I have a to-do list and I am consciously going through my actions and ticking them off. My new mantra in life needs to be “stop faffing and start doing”. It will help me be a better mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister. It will help me be happier and healthier.

miscarriage
I have the good intentions and I have a plan. I now need to move on after the miscarriage. Wish me luck and thank you for all your support.

Hugs

Mrs H

xxxx

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57 Comments

  • Reply
    teacuptoria
    July 17, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    Well done Lucy, you are an inspiration, this is really positive. Yes, we can’t control what happens but we can control how we feel. It’s such an important lesson to remember when life throws these trying times at us isn’t it. I know it’s easier said than done sometimes. Keep going lovely. Lots of love xxx
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      July 17, 2015 at 8:42 pm

      Thanks for your lovely comment honey. I don’t really feel an inspiration. I find that with my depression being positive is hugely important. And it has really helped me get through the past year and all the miscarriages. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Caro | The Twinkles Mama
    July 13, 2015 at 9:45 pm

    Aaah pet. I’ve been meaning to read this for so long. Such a brave post and also โ€” hats off to you for your amazingly positive attitude too. I know how hard it is. Just try to live in the moment, don’t dwell on the past, and be mindful of the fantastic blessings you DO have at the moment. Things will all come good, you’ll see.
    A bright and amazing future is waiting for you xxx

    Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      July 14, 2015 at 7:48 pm

      Thank you for your gorgeous comment Caro. You are so lovely. I do have a lot of hope that it will all come good in the end. But it might be a bit of a journey to reach our happy ending. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Clare
    July 6, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    I am so sorry to hear what happened – it’s great that you are expressing your feelings and not bottling it all up. I can only imagine the ups and downs you must be feeling and obviously hope that the professionals will be able to give you some help to ensure a similar thing doesn’t happen again. Respect to you xxx
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  • Reply
    zoe dunn
    July 5, 2015 at 8:32 am

    I’ve read your post and I’ve read the comments afterwards and I’m not sure there’s anything more I can add as everyone’s pretty much covered everything I was thinking. The only thing I’d like to add is that when your day is its darkest try and remember that you are not alone. You will feel alone and isolated but try and remember that is not the case. When I lost my son I felt incredibly isolated and looking back now (hindsight is a wonderful thing) I can see that much of that isolation was my own making I shut myself away and felt worst for it. However I don’t think society helps. Miscarriage is such a taboo subject. Many shy away from it afraid they will offend or upset but this only makes the isolation worse. Well done for being brave and writing about your experience. Writing this post must have been an incredibly difficult thing to do but in doing so you have probably helped countless others experiencing the same thing and looking for someone so they don’t feel quite so alone. Keep positive it doesn’t seem the case but things do get better x

  • Reply
    Adventures of a Novice Mum
    June 29, 2015 at 9:53 am

    Words can not express my shock and saddness; I can’t even begin to imagine how awful it must have been for you. However, your post is so positive and I find myself stepping forward with you; agreeing with your positive outlook. I hope the investigations helps to pave the way forward, further. All the very best as you walk through this difficult path in such a brave way. #TheListFeaturedPost
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      July 2, 2015 at 7:57 pm

      Hello. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. Everyone has been so supportive. It is really heart-warming. It has been a very tough time but I remain hopeful and positive. I have been through worse and I can get through this. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Lizzie Roles
    June 26, 2015 at 8:34 am

    oh lovely I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. You have written this post so well & although I have never suffered a miscarriage, i have suffered with negative thinking & depression so I think I can understand what that’s been like for you. The flaffing could be down to a touch of perfectionism. I went through CBT too & found I have perfectionism in my personality. Faffing is a part of that! I’m so rooting for you hun, I’ll keep you in my prayers & hope. Focussing on our blessings (or gratitude) is key. Lots of love to you lovely girl xo
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  • Reply
    You Baby Me Mummy
    June 24, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    Oh hun, I wished things would be different for you too, but I am so pleased that you feel like this and have a plan to get on with your life. You have been through so much and you deserve to be happy. You are such a inspiration my darling xx (Thanks so much for linking up to #TheList xxx)
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  • Reply
    23weeksocks
    June 23, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    I’m so sorry you’re going through such a difficult time my lovely but I’m very proud that you’re taking steps to keep your life moving forward. I know how difficult it can be to keep going when life seems determined to put huge obstacles in your way.

    It was wonderful to finally meet you a BritMums Live, albeit briefly and the big hug you gave me was just what I needed after reading my keynote speech. Reading my post took more out of me emotionally than I thought it would and afterwards I really needed to run off and get home to be with my boys. I do hope that we can arrange to meet properly in the not too distant future but if not there’s always BritMums Live 2016!!

    Much Love
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      July 2, 2015 at 8:12 pm

      Thank you so much for your gorgeous comment honey. I really appreciate your support. It has been a rough time but I am trying to move forward and think positiely. I am doing all I need to do to keep happy and healthy. It was so lovely to see you at Britmums too. Your keynote speech had me in tears. You read it beautifully and it was a privilege to give you a hug after you had given so much opf yourself emotionally. Big hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Lisa (mummascribbles)
    June 21, 2015 at 6:58 pm

    Oh lovely lady – this post is so positive, I so hope that it has helped you look at everything with fresh eyes. I can’t imagine the heartbreak you have been through but I’m glad it’s now being investigated and that hopefully you may have some answers soon. Sending you all the luck in the world for this next stage in your journey. Lots of love and thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      July 2, 2015 at 8:16 pm

      Awwww, Lisa, thank you for your gorgeous comment. You are so kind. It was lovely to meet you at Britmums and have a huge hug. You are as lovely as I knew you would be. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    mummy tries
    June 21, 2015 at 7:30 am

    Oh hon, so many hugs to you. I’m really pleased I got to see you on Friday and after reading this I’m positive you will enjoy my book. Your Uncle David sounds fab…and yes if all else fails then do a Taylor Swift; dance around the kitchen and truly shake it off xxx
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      July 2, 2015 at 8:54 pm

      Lovely Renee. Thanks for your kind comment. It was so lovely to see you at Britmums. And thanks so much for giving me a copy of your book. It is brilliant. There is so much in it that I completely identify with. You are amazing and inspiring. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Tim
    June 17, 2015 at 10:46 pm

    Good luck, Lucy. I can totally understand that you have needed a few weeks to process and start to move on from what happened.

    I can only empathise. We had three miscarriages before any of our children were born – the first after we had been trying unsuccessfully for over three years – and while that one hit us hard, the other two felt progressively worse. We went through a dark spell where we wondered whether we were ever destined to have kids.

    Thankfully for us our story had a happy end but your great-uncle’s advice is spot on. The only way out of the slough of despair is to focus on controlling the things you can actually do something about yourself. I hope there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
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  • Reply
    Potty Mouthed Mummy
    June 17, 2015 at 8:17 am

    such a wonderful outlook lovely and you amaze me with your strength and determination. Love the faffing quote xxx

  • Reply
    Tin Box Traveller
    June 16, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    I love that second piece of advice from your uncle. Terrible things happen and you can either let it consume you or you can come back stronger. Having a plan to get you to that stronger place is the first step in the right direction. Good luck x
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  • Reply
    Lisa@intotheglade
    June 16, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    Bless you sweetheart, I have a big gap between my girls because my youngest is as a result of my 10 pregnancy, 11 babe, I lost twin girls almost a year before she was born. My first daughter was my third. The only way I deal with it is by thinking that any of the other pregnancies wouldn’t have resulted in them and they are pretty great. I tell you all this to enocourage you not to lose hope. The recurrent miscarriage clinic couldn’t find any explaination for me but I still managed the littlest, in the end! Believe it will happen! Sending you much love xx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      July 14, 2015 at 8:05 pm

      Oh Lisa, thank you for your lovely comment. I am so sorry that you had to go through all that. Life can be cruel, can’t it? I am still hopeful that it will all be okay. We have our first appointment at the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic on Friday. I am dreading it but I know that it is for the best. Thanks for the reassurance and it is so good to know that I am not alone. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Beth
    June 16, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    Oh ๐Ÿ™ I am so sorry for your losses.
    Big hugs to you! xxx
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  • Reply
    Hayley @hayleyfromhome
    June 16, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    I’ve really missed popping over to your blog for a catch up but I’m so glad that you took the time out, it sounded like it was needed. I think you are being very sensible Mrs H, it can’t be easy but having these things in mind will at least help you to move forward. I so hope you get some answers for the future, lovely to have you back xxxx
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  • Reply
    Ally Mother Under Measure
    June 16, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    Once again an absolute inspiration. I’ve passed your blog on to an old mate who is finding it hard to move in from the grief of a miscarriage. You are so strong, can’t wait to give you a squash at BritMums x

  • Reply
    martyn
    June 16, 2015 at 11:07 am

    You lovely lady are an inspiration! With everything you’ve gone through and still go through you always seem to beam a ray of sunshine and put a smile on others faces, including mine.

    This post is a tribute to the woman that you are. It’s completely ok to struggle and then faff but the fact you’ve said that enough is enough and you’re trying to move forward is something that will inspire so many others.

    Being positive at the best of times cam be difficult but you do it despite everything. Hugs and love to all the H’s ๐Ÿ™‚
    #twinklytuesday

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      June 16, 2015 at 11:55 am

      Oh, Martyn. Thank you. You are always so lovely and kind to me. I don’t think of myself as inspiring but I have learnt over the years that there are times when I just need to pull myself together and move on. It is incredibly difficult but it is something that I know I need to do. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Heledd - Running in Lavender
    June 16, 2015 at 8:42 am

    Welcome back Mrs H, I’ve missed you. I know it’s been a tough time for you recently and you needed that time away. Your uncle is indeed very wise and it’s true this will pass. I have no doubt in my mind that you will go on to have another healthy baby when the time is right. Sending lots of positive thoughts xxx
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      June 16, 2015 at 9:19 am

      Thanks so much for your lovely comment gorgeous lady. It is nice to be missed. I did need the time away and it has really helped me move on with things. I am looking forward to a new start. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Lara Miles
    June 16, 2015 at 8:11 am

    This is an inspiring post. Good luck to you. I know it is heart breaking. xx

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      June 16, 2015 at 9:20 am

      Thank you for your comment. You are right, it is heart-breaking but I need to remain positive. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Kat | Beau Twins
    June 16, 2015 at 6:06 am

    Firstly I wanted to say I think you are very brave writing this gorgeous. Secondly, this is such an inspiring post and I hope it resonates with others in the same situation – which I’m sure it will. Despite everything you have gone through, you still permit positivity in everything you do. Thirdly, can I just say how frickin’ excited I am to see you back. You are one of my favourite bloggers and blogging isn’t the same without you. So from a selfish point of view! Super happy you are back. Big love beautiful. Xxxx
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  • Reply
    Nicola
    June 15, 2015 at 9:39 pm

    Hi, I’ve just found and read some of your blog, and you are so right.
    I have suffered with depression for over 20 years now. I’m still on medication and most probably will be for the rest of my life. I have also had years of fertility issues.
    I spent so many year trying to just plod along, not dealing with my issues….this was not the solution. I don’t think I will ever truly recover from what I have been through. But I now deal with every issue and move forward rather than ignore them and hide behind an invisible mask I made for my self t o hide my feelings and thoughts.

    I went through many types for treatments and surgeries for fertility. After ivf treatment in 2009 I now have my beautiful son. This was followed by a natural pregnancy in 2012 which I sadly lost in the early stages. Then last year I was blessed with a second natural pregnancy and I now have beautiful little lady.

    I am now suffering from pnd but I look at my children and know that I will move forward and that my life does have a purpose.

    Anyone suffering with depression or fertility issues, I send you warm hugs and best wishes for your future….we can all overcome our bumps in the road, together we are strong enough to continue and be happy…… x x x x

  • Reply
    Jenna
    June 15, 2015 at 8:35 pm

    *massive huggery* (You can trade this in for the real thing on Friday.)

    โ€œYou canโ€™t control what happens in your life but you can control your reaction to what happens in your lifeโ€ is such a great piece of advice and something that I always try to remember too.

    This is such a great list of ways to help you move on from what is, a really shitty situation, I hope it helps. Remember you have some lovely friends who are here to help you along the way.

    Love you, Mrs H. xx
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      June 15, 2015 at 9:07 pm

      Thank you for your gorgeous comment, lovely. My Uncle David gave some good advice, didn’t he?! There is lots of other fabulous gems of wisdom that he has given me too. But the one that you quoted is just so important at the moment.

      I can’t wait for lots of hugs and gossiping over wine on Friday. You are a fabulous friend.

      Hugs
      Mrs H
      Xxxx

  • Reply
    Jess Soothill
    June 15, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    It must be so hard and tough right now, and you must have so much to deal with. I hope that you can find out what is causing this and that (medically) they can help you in some way. I am glad to hear you’re trying to stay as positive as you can but it is still OK to cry too. I was devastated after my one miscarriage; I don’t think I ever recovered. It was very traumatic and I took it very badly. The years of infertility that followed were my darkest times in my life. Here for you always and I hope better things are to come xxxxx Jess x

    • Reply
      Mrs H
      June 15, 2015 at 9:09 pm

      Lovely Jess. Thank you for your beautiful comment. Having children is a tough and heart-breaking old business, isn’t it! I feel like I have cried bucketload so over the babies we have lost. I will never forget them and I will always wonder what life would be like if they were here. But I do have a wonderful life and I have to concentrate on that. And I need to do what I know makes me happy. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  • Reply
    Karen
    June 15, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    Lucy my darling, this is such a beautiful post. My heart broke for you when I heard your sad news as I had been rooting for you that this pregnancy would be successful. Those are indeed wise words from your great-uncle, I particularly like the idea of taking control over your actions to events that are out of your control – definitely a mantra that I need to adopt.

    I am loving this attitude of positivity exuding from this post, and I hope that writing about your journey can help others who have gone through similar.

    Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts x
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  • Reply
    Not A Frumpy Mum
    June 15, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    My lovely, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I didn’t have a miscarriage but I feel very much so that I lost my baby when the IVF didn’t work. I know November will be a tough month when what would have been their due date comes around. I think it is so important to keep doing, I have tried to focus on making plans for the 3 of us so that we have something to look forward to, plus it stops me dwelling too much on what might of been.
    Thinking of you xxx
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  • Reply
    MyLifeMyLove
    June 15, 2015 at 8:46 am

    I’m sending you a virtual hug, I hope you can feel it. Lots of love beautiful lady. X
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  • Reply
    Caroline (Becoming a SAHM)
    June 15, 2015 at 8:45 am

    I’m so sorry to read about your miscarriage and you must be heartbroken but I am a little in awe of your attitude and your resolve to not let it define you. I hope that the clinic can give you answers and in the meantime, huge hugs! X,
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  • Reply
    Sammy at Seize each day
    June 15, 2015 at 8:15 am

    Oh lovely lady – so heartbreaking for you… but this is such a positive post and I love your new mantra ‘Stop faffing… and start doing’ – I may actually borrow this one too as I’m a massive procrastinator and it’s not good.
    Sending you healing hugs and much love. You can do this.
    Sammy xxx
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  • Reply
    Leigh - Headspace Perspective
    June 15, 2015 at 6:55 am

    Ah lovely Mrs H. So looking forward to that HUGE hug on Friday.

    Your mention of shaking it off made me smile. Been trying to do a lot of that too. You can’t control much in life in terms of what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it.

    Much love xxxx
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  • Reply
    Everything mummy
    June 15, 2015 at 6:25 am

    Sending loads of love and hugs your way my heart breaks for you but I think your doing the right thing great steps to take to get you feeling back to yourself xx
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  • Reply
    Mini Travellers
    June 15, 2015 at 6:18 am

    stop faffing and start doing is a fab mantra, but you are allowed to feel sad from time to time lovely. You are right though to be constantly thinking about the wonderful things in life and your family around you who love you. You also have some fab friends who love you very much. Have a wonderful weekend my lovely.
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  • Reply
    Alice
    June 15, 2015 at 5:42 am

    I don’t have anything useful to say, but I just wanted to wish you strength and say good luck. So sorry for what’s happened.
    xxx Alice
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  • Reply
    Anna
    June 15, 2015 at 5:38 am

    Lovely post xx we’ve all missed you xxx lots of hugs

  • Reply
    Tara
    June 15, 2015 at 4:58 am

    So sorry for your losses. I wish you lots of luck with moving forward. On the days you might struggle I would urge you to re read this post. Beautiful, wise words.
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  • Reply
    Katie LifeonVistaStreet Haydock
    June 14, 2015 at 9:51 pm

    Mrs H, it’s great to have you back and positive.
    I hope the blogging world can make you feel stronger and even more supported.
    Well done xXx
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  • Reply
    Lorraine
    June 14, 2015 at 9:36 pm

    Opps totally put that i miscarried in June when i ment April. What a tit sorry.

    Oh lovely! Iโ€™m so very sorry. I wish i knew what you were going through so i could have been there for you maybe in some way. As you may remember I too had another miscarriage in April and it fu*cking sucks! I want to say to you my heart completely goes out to you. I could say i understand how you feel but in truth, nobody can feel the pain you felt at the time nor now as it is entirely your own heart thatโ€™s broken. I am taken aback by this post its so inspirational for me as i feel like perhaps i should push myself to have this same attitude! Thankyou for sharing, Iโ€™m glad you had some time away to recover in many senses. Never feel like you cant talk to me, iโ€™m avalible anytime. xx

  • Reply
    Sarah Christie
    June 14, 2015 at 9:35 pm

    Mrs H you are doing so well, I am so proud to be your friend, you may feel like you have struggled but you have battled on and that is something to so proud of, the saying ‘You canโ€™t control what happens in your life but you can control your reaction to what happens in your life.โ€ is so true this is how we dealt with Jacks diagnosis and do you know what we got through it as a family, and you will too beautiful Lady, I am so glad to see you back fighting, I love your blog and I love you x
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  • Reply
    Lorraine
    June 14, 2015 at 9:33 pm

    Oh lovely! I’m so very sorry. I wish i knew what you were going through so i could have been there for you maybe in some way. As you may remember I too had another miscarriage in June and it fu*cking sucks! I want to say to you my heart completely goes out to you. I could say i understand how you feel but in truth, nobody can feel the pain you felt at the time nor now as it is entirely your own heart that’s broken. I am taken aback by this post its so inspirational for me as i feel like perhaps i should push myself to have this same attitude! Thankyou for sharing, I’m glad you had some time away to recover in many senses. Never feel like you cant talk to me, i’m avalible anytime. xx
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  • Reply
    Beth @ Twinderelmo
    June 14, 2015 at 9:28 pm

    I know you don’t want me to be all I’m so sorry etc but I will say your attitude is inspiring and it’s not easy to find positives in a crappy situation but your family sound awesome. No cliches here just lots of positivity and smooches xxxxxxxxx
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  • Reply
    Julia @ rainbeaubelle
    June 14, 2015 at 9:19 pm

    You know as well as I do how it helps to write things down, so writing it all down did help make you think it’s time to take action and that is so healthy. I am hoping so much that you can continue to think positive and keep moving on with a smile. Lots of love x x x
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  • Reply
    Vickie
    June 14, 2015 at 9:19 pm

    Sending you ooodles of luck!

    Much like your Great-Uncle David my Nana used to have lots of wise old sayings and the one that always sticks in my mind is “What’s for you won’t go by you”. I firmly believe that what is meant to be will be and I really hope that you get what you’re wishing for. Vx

  • Reply
    Katy
    June 14, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    Oh Lucy, you are such a lovely lovely lady and my heart broke for you when I found out what had happened. You are doing exactly the right thing though and this will pass. Huge hugs and cannot wait for real hugs – less than a week!! xx
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  • Reply
    (Mostly) Yummy Mummy
    June 14, 2015 at 8:56 pm

    Sending lots of luck and lots of love x
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    • Reply
      Mrs H
      June 14, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

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