At the beginning of May, I went through my fourth miscarriage.
It was a shock. It was heartbreaking. I had believed and hoped that this pregnancy would go full-term. That the baby would be okay. I had hoped that things would be different.
Since then, I have had some time off blogging to rest and to recuperate. I’ve also spent some time navel gazing and deciding how I plan to move on with my life following my fourth miscarriage.
Moving on with life after a miscarriage
When I started writing this post it was quite different. It was a post called “feelings” and it went into depth about the various emotions that I have experienced since the miscarriage. But whilst writing this post I reached a point where I could not continue. I didn’t want to write about how I was feeling any longer.
I came to the conclusion that it isn’t helpful for me to dwell on what has happened. I know I am hurt and heartbroken. I know that it is only natural for me to feel this way. But I also know that constantly analysing these feelings and negative thoughts is keeping me in limbo. It is making me stand still. I am stuck in the past and fixated on a future that is currently not meant to be.
I am not moving forward. I am not getting on with my life.
Living with long-term depression has taught me that life goes on.
You may want the world to stop. You may want to crawl into your bed never to emerge again. But that is not possible. The world still turns. Every morning a new day dawns. And we have to get up out of that bed and get on with our lives.
I decided that enough was enough!
I am not going to wallow in self-pity. I am going to follow Taylor Swift’s advice and “Shake it off”.
It isn’t going to be easy. And I guarantee there will be days when all I want to do is sit in a corner and sob. But I can’t and I won’t. So these are the steps that I am taking to move on with my life post-miscarriage.
1. Put my health first
My physical health effects my mental and emotional health and is not something I can take lightly. At the start of this year I was exercising, eating healthily and getting more sleep and I felt good. But these good habits slipped and I need to start making my health a priority again.
2. Be mindful
I need to realise how lucky I am at this current moment in my life.
I am blessed. I have a wonderful, loving and supportive husband and an amazing daughter, who I adore. My family is pretty damn awesome.
Little Miss H is growing up to be an incredibly cool little person. I will never have this time with her again. I don’t want to waste it by dwelling on something I have no control over. I need to live in the moment and be mindful of all the wonderful things in my life.
3. Be pro-active
We have now been referred to a Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic for investigation. It is good to have taken some practical steps towards getting some answers and having support. Even if the tests say that I am fine and that these miscarriages have just been bad luck then at least we will know more than we know now.
4. Follow some good advice
My amazing great-uncle David is a very wise man. At times like these, I try to remember some of his inspiring advice.
“This too shall pass.”
“You can’t control what happens in your life but you can control your reaction to what happens in your life.”
This last piece of advice seems particularly pertinent at the moment.
When life is tough, I have a tendency to feel anxious and low and I am plagued by negative thinking. But my Uncle David and my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy taught me that I can control these feelings. I can take positive steps to helping change my mood and my outlook on life.
5. Stop faffing and start doing
I am a massive faffer. I can spend hours not doing anything or jumping from one job to the next without accomplishing anything.
But faffing makes me feel terrible. My mood is better when I am pro-active and accomplishing things. When I have a to-do list and I am consciously going through my actions and ticking them off. My new mantra in life needs to be “stop faffing and start doing”. It will help me be a better mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister. It will help me be happier and healthier.
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