Back in April 2015, when I was pregnant for the fifth time, Mr H had a dream.
He dreamt that he parked the car up outside a house.
In the back of the car, were Little Miss H and her younger sister. Overhead, a menacing storm was brewing.
Mr H can’t remember much more about the dream but he clearly recalls saying the words
Girls, get out of the storm.
The next morning, he woke up early and started writing a song based on his dream. It took him three days to finish.
Usually, he likes me to hear any new song that he writes. But this time he didn’t.
I think he knew how tense and worried I was about the pregnancy.
As it happened, at the end of April, when I was ten weeks pregnant, I miscarried. It was our fourth miscarriage. And the third since trying for a second baby.
It was only a month ago, as I sat listening to Mr H’s music (yes, I am that sad) that I heard his new song. Girls, get out of the storm.
As I listened, I began to cry.
I cried because this song captured our dreams for the future. Dreams that we were worried would never come true.
I cried because in three minutes of music Mr H had managed to convey so many of the emotions that we felt about baby loss.
Girls, get out of the storm. We can’t risk what we went through for you to be born.
And I cried because I had a baby growing in my belly. A baby that I was terrified of losing. A baby that I was desperate to be the next member of my family.
That was a month ago. And on Wednesday, we had our 12 week scan.
I held my breath during the scan. Barely daring to believe that it would all be okay. Worried that, once again, we would hear those awful words
I am sorry, but it doesn’t look good.
But we didn’t hear them. Our baby looked exactly as it should. And I am now thirteen weeks pregnant with our second rainbow baby.
It has been such a hard journey to get here. And I know it is early days. But we haven’t got this far with a pregnancy since Little Miss H.
We have got past what, all the midwives are referring to as, our critical point. And I think I am still in shock.
But, God willing, in July we will be joined by our Rainbow Bean and our family will be complete.