Welcome to the first My Rainbow Baby post of 2017.
I have created this series in the wish that it will give hope to anyone who has experienced baby loss or is struggling to have a longed for baby.
Little Miss H and Little Mister H are not the only rainbow babies. There are many of them. And I want to share the beautiful and poignant tales of these special little rainbows.
I am inviting others to tell these stories. To talk about these precious children in their own words. And I will collate them on my blog so that there is a shared space where these stories of hope are held.
I am grateful but also saddened that I have had a large response to this series. It seems that there are far too many angel babies. As many bloggers have asked to share the stories of their precious rainbows.
I want to share all of these stories so if you would like to talk about your rainbows then please do contact me. I also have some plans to grow My Rainbow Baby into a linky and a hashtag community. Watch this space.
For the first post of 2017, I am honoured to be joined by Naomi who blogs over at Me Becoming Mum. Naomi is mum to two gorgeous rainbow babies. Her toddler R and her little sister who was born last month. This is their story. (Naomi wrote this post in November before Little L was born.)
My Rainbow Baby – R & Little L’s story
Hi, I’m Naomi and I blog over at Me Becoming Mum.
I like to write honest posts, keeping it real about the truths and realities of pregnancy and parenthood. I am a 25-year-old wife of five and a half years, and mummy to a beautiful little girl who turned two in February 2016. We are also due our second daughter in a few weeks time on 18th December.
Although this is my family, I am truly a mother of four. I am a mother of two angels, and a mother of two rainbows.
I first shared the story of my rainbow babies on my own blog. Something that took a lot of tears and courage to publish. Despite them being a very regular occurrence, miscarriage seems to be a discussion taboo; and writing about it was not an easy thing to do. However, I believe it is something that needs to be shared, which is why I am writing again and sharing my story here.
I have suffered two miscarriages. Our first was in 2009, and our second was in 2015. These two losses make both of our daughters rainbow babies. A rainbow baby is a baby conceived and carried after a loss.
I love the symbolism of rainbows. After every rain storm, a rainbow appears. From something that can be destructive and devastating, one of the most beautiful occurrences in nature comes forth. I love that I am able to say this about both of my girls.
I lost our first child during the first trimester, in 2009. Although the pain becomes less raw, it never really goes away. I was hurting, and I grieved for a long time; but most of all, I blamed myself. My body had failed. So I felt like I had failed – even when those around me, from my family to the professionals, told me it was not my fault.
The day I found out I was pregnant with our firstborn daughter, I went through a mix of emotions. I felt everything from joy to terror. I had already lost our first, what was to stop the same happening again?
My pregnancy was terrible. I could tick all the boxes for the things that people warn you may happen when you are pregnant. From the pain and sickness to unexplained bleeding and reduced foetal movements. I was also terrified that, because I had lost her older sibling, I would not love my baby as much as I should.
The day I gave birth, showed me that everything had been worth it. All of the trips into hospital and everything that we had to face were removed from my mind the instant I saw those big, dark eyes looking up at me. I will never forget that we lost our first baby, but there is a great healing found in every moment spent with your beautiful rainbow baby.
Those first moments proved something else to me too; there was no way I could not love her. The instant I held her to my chest, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of utter infatuation. And I knew I would do anything to protect and love this little human that was fully reliant on me. The moment my little girl was in my arms, she rescued me from all the fears and worries that I had.
I lost our third child during the first trimester, in December 2015. Four days after I had taken a positive home pregnancy test. This time, as I curled up in a ball, shuddering in pain, I had a little worried not-yet-two year old at home with me. Thankfully, she didn’t see the hardest part; the loss of the baby.
My rainbow baby rescued me again. As I lay on the sofa with a hot water bottle, my eyes closed but tears flowing, willing the pain away an amazing thing happened. A little hand stroked my face, and wiped away the tears. A tiny voice whispered, “It’s ok mummy. You’ll be okay”. My little one climbed up on the sofa with me. She lay with one hand on my face, and one hand on my chest, repeating those words over and over.
Despite the pain, and the grief, an incredible peace came over me. For the weeks that followed, it was only when I was around my daughter that my mind felt at peace. And my heart didn’t feel like it was torn into a thousand shreds.
In May 2016, we found out we were expecting again. We found out we were having another rainbow.
I have had another pretty awful pregnancy but despite a few scary moments over the last few months with what the doctors call threatened premature labour, I am nearing my due date, and our second rainbow daughter is almost here.
I don’t know that the pain that I felt at losing my babies will ever really go away. But, for the most part, it has been replaced with the joy of my rainbows and the enjoyment of making new memories.
I will continue to remember that we have two angel babies. However, I will also enjoy my children. Each day I will be thankful for my two rainbow babies.
Naomi, thank you so much for sharing the story of your two gorgeous daughters. And I am thrilled that you now have Little L too. I have been stalking you a little on Instagram and she is beautiful.
When I first read this post it brought tears to my eyes. I sadly had to go through 2 miscarriages when Little Miss H was at home. The night after the third miscarriage, her bedtime took longer than normal. I held her in my arms for an hour or so. Feeling her warmth. Staring at her beautiful face. And crying huge tears. It is a moment that I will always remember.
Next month I will be joined by Gemma who blogs at Somewhere after the rainbow. This post will go live on Wednesday 1st February and will be followed by future posts on the first Wednesday of every month. Please pop back to the blog to have a read and give this series your support.
If you would like to contribute to My rainbow baby then please leave a message in the comments or email me on firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to hear from you.
If you have experienced baby loss or are pregnant after a loss then you do not need to feel alone. There are people who you can reach out to. The following charities are a fantastic source of comfort and support. They can also provide resources to help you through this difficult time.
- Tommy’s funds research into stillbirths, premature births and miscarriages. They also offer advice to parents-to-be. The website’s pregnancy information pages have been written by midwives and are full of practical advice. Tommy’s has a Facebook page run by midwives. They also have a midwife run pregnancy line on 0800 0147 800.
- The Miscarriage Association is devoted to supporting those who have experienced miscarriage. The website is a fantastic resource. They have produced a very helpful leaflet called Thinking about another pregnancy. Which has lots of hints and tips on how to look after yourself and reduce your risk of having another miscarriage. They also have a helpline on 01924 200 799, which is open Monday to Friday, 9am to 4pm.
- MAMA Academy is a charity which supports mums and midwives to help babies arrive safely. The Royal College of Midwives have approved all the content on their website. MAMA Academy also produce Wellbeing Wallets which are full of easy to understand information that will guide and help you in your pregnancy.