“Tell me why.”
“It’s just one of those things.”
“It’s pure bad luck.”
“Many pregnancies end in miscarriage.”
Tell Me Why
When a pregnancy ends in baby loss, you desperately want to know the reason why. You look for answers. Why did this heartbreaking event have to happen? How can I stop it happening again? You don’t care what the answer is. You just want someone to tell you why your baby has died.
But when no answers come, you end up questioning yourself. And laying the blame at your own feet. Because there is nothing else and no one else to blame.
“It’s because I announced the pregnancy too soon.”
“I hoped that this baby would survive.”
“I looked at baby clothes in the shops.”
“We flew to Rhodes when I was six weeks pregnant.”
All of these are reasons that I found for why we lost our babies.
When we lost our first baby, we were simply told that “it was one of those things” and “many women lose their first babies”. And in many ways, this helped me move on. And once Little Miss H was born finding a reason no longer seemed to matter.
Years later, when we lost a further three babies, I was desperate to be referred to a consultant and find out the reason behind our baby loss. Yet we were only sent to a Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic once we had lost our fourth baby. And we weren’t offered many tests because we’d already had a healthy baby. In the end, I was given a blood test and a hysteroscopy.
I desperately wanted one of these tests to come back with an abnormal result. To be provided with a reason why we had lost our babies. A medical reason that could be treated easily.
“Take one of these tablets once a day and then you’ll have your baby!”
Yet, this was not the case. Our miscarriages were unexplained. And we left the consultants office with the knowledge that we might have another miscarriage or more before having a healthy baby. And there was the possibility that we might never have another baby. However, we were lucky and my next pregnancy was successful. Little Mister H was born in July 2016.
Not knowing the reason for our miscarriages was in many ways one of the most painful aspects of losing a baby. The uncertainty weighed heavily upon us.
Why I’m Supporting Tommy’s “Tell Me Why” Campaign
1 in 4 pregnancies ends in a loss or preterm birth. And 71% of these parents are never given a reason why this heartbreaking event has happened. That is an awful lot of parents who without a medical reason for their loss face uncertainty and blame themselves for something that is not their fault.
Of course, the only way more parents can be told the reason behind their loss is through research. Yet research into baby loss is one of the most underfunded forms of medical research. That is why the charity Tommy’s have started their Tell Me Why campaign. And why they are asking for there to be more funding for research into baby loss and preterm birth.
Research into baby loss and preterm birth is so important. Parents need to be given a medical reason for why their baby has died. And it’s only research that will make this happen. It’s only research that will stop 80% of women who have lost their baby blaming themselves for something that is not their fault.
That is why this campaign is so important and why it has my full support. Please support it too and add your name to the list of people who want to see more research into baby loss.