Trigger warning: If you have personal experience of suicide or suicidal depression then you may find this post upsetting. If you’re currently struggling with suicidal thoughts and you’re in danger then please call 999 and request an ambulance immediately. My dear girl As I write this letter to you, I have tears pricking the back of my eyes. My heart hurts thinking of you lying in that hospital bed. Because last night you took an overdose. It was your fourth.…
Before I became a mother I could never imagine turning my back on a crying child. Especially not MY crying child. Of course, I knew that children had tantrums but I foolishly imagined that my children would be different. They would be angels. And they would never tantrum in public or get so upset that I wouldn’t be able to calm them. I also thought that I would be a natural mother. That from the moment they were born I…
On Friday 29th September 2017, I will turn 39. I’m one year off the big 4-0. And as much as I’ve loved my thirties, I’m actually looking forward to this new era of my life. An era which I get to spend with my fabulous husband and my two gorgeous rainbow babies. It’s exciting. I also find that as I age I learn more and more about myself and how to live in this world. So back in 2015, I wrote…
I have suffered from depression for 18 years of my life. And I will suffer with it until the day I die. Depression is a part of me. I’ve had it for the majority of my adult life. It has made me the person I am today. I know I’ve talked about it on this blog but I’ve mainly written pretty prose about feelings or the fear of relapsing. I haven’t ever talked about the nitty-gritty of living with depression. This…
Welcome back to the blog series My Rainbow Baby. I created My Rainbow Baby in the wish that it will give hope to anyone who has experienced baby loss or is struggling to have a longed for baby. To show that even after the darkest storm a rainbow can appear. Little Miss H and Little Mister H are not the only rainbow babies. There are many of them. And I want to share the beautiful and poignant tales of these special little rainbows.…
How did you spend your May Day Bank Holiday? I spent it going through boxes and boxes of baby clothes. Tiny outfits that our little girl and boy wore when they were younger. The first sleepsuit that we dressed them in when they were born. The outfit they wore when we brought them home. The dungarees they were wearing when they met their grandparents. The party outfits that we bought for their Welcome to the World celebrations. Looking through these…
I’ve been quite open recently that my mental health hasn’t been brilliant. It certainly isn’t terrible but I haven’t been myself. I’ve been feeling anxious and unmotivated. There have been days when I have felt tearful, unable to control my mood and I have just wanted to clamber back into bed and sleep. My Mental Health There are many small reasons why my depression has relapsed. The stress and sadness of the recurrent miscarriages and the anxiety I felt in my…
As soon as I saw the trailer for La La Land I knew that I had to see it. So on Tuesday, Little Mister H and I went to a special Mummy and Baby showing . And OMG, I bloody loved it! I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that I’m obsessed. Since Tuesday I’ve listened to the soundtrack on repeat. And I’ve even pre-ordered the DVD. I’m not going to bore you by telling you why I fell in love with La La Land. The genius Mark…