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life lessons

Mental Health

The Stalker

I have a stalker. They've been a menacing presence in my life since I was 20. And since their appearance during my second year at university, there has been no escape. They've been every where I turned. Every where I looked. They threatened my life. And they filled me with self loathing and hatred. Setting me on a path to self destruction.…

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Mental Health

Being Alive

14 years ago today, I woke up in hospital. I was still alive. The night before I had taken numerous packets of ibuprofen in an attempt to kill myself. I can't describe in words the desolation I felt that I had not succeeded. That I was still alive. That I had to carry on living with the endless turmoil and numbness of depression.…

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Motherhood

One Of Those Days

A sepia photograph of a mother holding her sleeping baby in her arms_One of those days- Mrs H's favourite things

Today has been one of those days. One of those days that hasn't gone as planned. One of those days that is drawing to a close and has left me exhausted and a little emotional. Yesterday was also one of those days.…

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Baby Loss Mental Health

When pregnancy is a struggle

A blurry and black and white photograph of a pregnant lady _ including the title "when pregnancy is a struggle" _ Mrs H's favourite things

It is difficult to admit that something you have yearned for desperately has been a struggle. Ever since Little Miss H has been a few months old, I have wanted a second baby. The miscarriages that followed just made my desperation for that child more intense. Each loss took us further away from our longed for second child. But each loss made me more determined that we needed to become a family of four.…

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Baby Loss Motherhood

How many children do I have?

A scan photograph of a baby with the title "how many children do I have?" - Mrs H's favourite things

How many children do I have? This is a question that has been weighing on my mind. In truth, I don't think that there is an answer that makes sense. And I wonder if that really matters. However, it still weighs on my mind. And I wanted to share my feelings in the hope that it might help someone else who is struggling with the same question.…

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Baby Loss Mental Health Motherhood

How To Survive Pregnancy After Baby Loss

A photograph of a sunset in the background with a dandelion in the foreground and its seeds blowing in the wind- How To Survive Pregnancy After Baby Loss - Mrs H's favourite things

Pregnancy after baby loss is a time of mixed emotions. There are many moments of happiness and joy. But there’s also anxiety and fear. For any woman, who is pregnant after a miscarriage or stillbirth, there is one thing that she wants to know. How to survive pregnancy after baby loss. Back in November 2015, I discovered that I was pregnant for the sixth time in 3 years. We’re lucky to have a beautiful little girl. But we’ve also experienced…

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Baby Loss Mental Health

Getting Through November

I have to say it. I hate November. In my opinion, it is the hardest month of the year. And it is the month where I always struggle with my depression. I didn't always feel this way. As a child and a teenager I was indifferent to November. Nothing exciting happened. I spent the days waiting for December and the count down to Christmas. That all changed on Saturday, 23rd November 2002. That was the day that I made serious plans to take my life…

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