I think it is fair to say that the past month has been crap.
Life has dealt us an unfair hand and we have lurched from one stressful experience to the next.
It wasn’t meant to be this way. We’d just found out that I was expecting another baby. Mr H was on holiday for two weeks before beginning a new job and we had booked a few days away in Dorset.
But the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
Instead of visiting parks and castle we got the flu and spent our staycation in bed. Then as we started to feel better, I began to worry that I had lost the baby. We were so relieved when an early pregnancy scan confirmed that the baby had a heartbeat and everything seemed normal.
A few days later I woke in pain. The left side of my face was swollen, bruised and I was in agony. I was diagnosed with a nasty sinus infection, given antibiotics and ordered to get complete bed rest.
My parents were called into action and they whisked Little Miss H and I back to Hertfordshire so they could look after us. After a few days of sleep I began to feel much better but then life took a turn for the worse again.
Little Miss H woke up one night having been sick. She had a very high temperature, glazed eyes, rapid breathing and an aversion to lights. She was also covered in a rash. We called for an ambulance and Little Miss was rushed to hospital with suspected meningitis.
We spent the next few days in a room of our own in isolation. Test results ruled out meningitis and septicaemia. Eventually, after a few days of antibiotics Little Miss H was discharged. We drove back to Rochester believing that we would be able to get back to normal.
But then I started bleeding. Another pregnancy scan was arranged and this time our worst fears were confirmed. The baby’s heart had stopped beating. We had lost another child and I would have to be given medication to manage the miscarriage.
That all happened on Tuesday. The miscarriage was over in a few hours. The grief will take longer to fade. The hole that the baby has left will not disappear overnight.
I am exhausted. Bruised. Battered. I don’t have anymore to give.
I need to build myself up again. Slowly. Carefully. Piece by piece.
This family has been battered by storms over the past month. But we have battled the wind and the rain together. We have coped with all that has been thrown at us. We have done it together; the three of us. Our little family.
This storm will pass over us. The sun will shine again. And who knows, we might even see a rainbow.
PS. If you or someone you know has suffered from a miscarriage then there is support out there. On both occasions, I have found The Miscarriage Association to be a fantastic help. Their website provides practical and emotional support.