Sometimes when I write about my depression the words just flow. It’s as if they were always there just waiting to be written down in black and white. On other occasions, I want to write but the words aren’t forthcoming. They won’t flow. Words are created and deleted. Sentences are written and rewritten. Paragraphs are formed and unformed. I can start a post about one thing and then it becomes about something completely different. For example, when I sat down to…
Trigger warning: If you have personal experience of suicide or suicidal depression then you may find this post upsetting. If you’re currently struggling with suicidal thoughts and you’re in danger then please call 999 and request an ambulance immediately. My dear girl As I write this letter to you, I have tears pricking the back of my eyes. My heart hurts thinking of you lying in that hospital bed. Because last night you took an overdose. It was your fourth.…
This week is the second annual Pre and Postnatal Depression Awareness Week (#PNDAW17) run by the fantastic charity, the PANDAS Foundation. And this year the week is focused on raising awareness of prenatal mental health conditions. So I wanted to share my story of suffering from prenatal anxiety and depression after experiencing recurrent miscarriages. My story of Prenatal Anxiety and Depression At risk of Perinatal Depression and Anxiety Sadly, Mr H and I always knew that my pre-existing and long-term mental…
As a child, I used to help my parents out in the garden. And I’d always enjoyed gardening. But, until just after Little Miss H’s second birthday, I’d never had a garden of my own. After I met Mr H we lived in a flat in London and we later bought a two-bedroom apartment in Medway. It was only when we moved into our current house that we finally had some outdoor space. On the day we moved in, I…
On Monday the singer Sinead O’Connor posted a heartbreaking video to her Facebook page. O’Connor films the footage in a grotty hotel in New Jersey. And in it she is clearly in the middle of a depressive episode. She is distraught. Beside herself. Her thoughts tumble into one another. And as you watch you can see and hear her heart break and her soul rip into thousands of tiny pieces. It is a horrid video to watch. Especially for someone,…
I have suffered from depression for 18 years of my life. And I will suffer with it until the day I die. Depression is a part of me. I’ve had it for the majority of my adult life. It has made me the person I am today. I know I’ve talked about it on this blog but I’ve mainly written pretty prose about feelings or the fear of relapsing. I haven’t ever talked about the nitty-gritty of living with depression. This…
I feel guilty all the time. Mum guilt. Wife guilt. Friend guilt. The list goes on and on. And bloody hell, it is exhausting feeling this way. Beating myself up emotionally for every little mistake I make or every time I don’t live up to the image of perfection that I aspire to. But I’m human. I make mistakes and I’m not perfect. So this leads to a great deal of guilt. Over the years I have learnt that writing down my feelings…
I’ve been quite open recently that my mental health hasn’t been brilliant. It certainly isn’t terrible but I haven’t been myself. I’ve been feeling anxious and unmotivated. There have been days when I have felt tearful, unable to control my mood and I have just wanted to clamber back into bed and sleep. My Mental Health There are many small reasons why my depression has relapsed. The stress and sadness of the recurrent miscarriages and the anxiety I felt in my…