It is difficult to admit that something you have yearned for desperately has been a struggle. Ever since Little Miss H has been a few months old, I have wanted a second baby. The miscarriages that followed just made my desperation for that child more intense. Each loss took us further away from our longed for second child. But each loss made me more determined that we needed to become a family of four.…
A few weeks ago, the lovely Jules who blogs at Pondering Parenthood tagged me to take part in the body confidence challenge. The challenge was originally created by Eilidh at Mummy and Monkeys. Elidih pointed out that we very rarely look in the mirror and see something we like. It is much easier to find the things that you dislike or want to change. But isn't it time we were kinder to ourselves? Isn't it time we take a moment to really…
Pregnancy after baby loss is a time of mixed emotions. There are many moments of happiness and joy. But there’s also anxiety and fear. For any woman, who is pregnant after a miscarriage or stillbirth, there is one thing that she wants to know. How to survive pregnancy after baby loss. Back in November 2015, I discovered that I was pregnant for the sixth time in 3 years. We’re lucky to have a beautiful little girl. But we’ve also experienced…
I have to say it. I hate November. In my opinion, it is the hardest month of the year. And it is the month where I always struggle with my depression. I didn't always feel this way. As a child and a teenager I was indifferent to November. Nothing exciting happened. I spent the days waiting for December and the count down to Christmas. That all changed on Saturday, 23rd November 2002. That was the day that I made serious plans to take my life…
I have a love hate relationship with this time of year. I love taking walks in the woods and kicking fallen leaves. I love being able to snuggle up on the sofa on cooler nights. I love wearing jumpers, skirts, thick tights and boots. I hate that it is dark when Mr H wakes up in the mornings. I hate the lack of sunlight. I hate that it gets dark early in the evenings. Which means, I am dreading this weekend when the…
On Friday, I had a hysteroscopy. It was the final test that the NHS will offer us in our investigations into the recurrent miscarriages. It didn't give any answers. My miscarriages remain unexplained. It could be bad luck. It could be a chromosomal issue. We might never know. And that for me is the worst development. I know, it is ridiculous to want something to be wrong. But I wanted there to be something wrong with me so that there was a…
