A heart full of love – The Siblings Project – July 2016

A heart full of love – The Siblings Project – July 2016

I always knew that Little Miss H would be an amazing sister. That she would be kind and gentle to her sibling. She would be concerned for their welfare and look out for them. She would also boss her baby brother or sister about. Demanding that they play with her. Telling them which character they were playing in her imaginary games. Probably a Disney Princess or a My Little Pony. She would read them stories, show them how to paint and teach them how to dance to “Shake it off.” She would help me choose the clothes they would wear and bring me their nappies and milk when needed. Then when they were older, I would find them in a corner of the house, chatting and laughing together. Or rolling their eyes over something their embarrassing parents had done. I knew that they would bicker and squabble, as all siblings do.  But ultimately they would love one another and they would be there for each other. But after having three miscarriages in a row I became convinced that Little Miss H would be an only child. And as each miscarriage passed I couldn’t allow myself to imagine what it would be like to give our darling daughter a sibling. A playmate. A pal. A chum. A best friend forever. And this broke my heart. But now my heart is full of love because Little Mister H is in our lives. And Little Miss is, at last, the wonderful big sister that I had known she would be. The Siblings Project – July 2016 A heart full of love Two...
Introducing Little Mister H

Introducing Little Mister H

On Sunday, 10th July I was 38 weeks and three days pregnant. Although I still had 11 days until my due date I was beginning to wonder if Little Mister H was ever going to arrive. Over the weeks my anxiety levels had grown. And I could not see the pregnancy ending happily. And that weekend, I had begun to talk to Mr H about asking my midwife for a stretch and sweep. I was worried about how apprehensive I was beginning to feel and I didn’t want to go into labour in a heightened state of anxiety. But on Sunday, 10th July I felt more relaxed. Mr H had taken Little Miss H out for the morning and I got on with some cleaning. I cleaned rooms. Put the washing on. Cleaned all the upstairs windows. And generally pottered around the house organising. That afternoon, Little Miss H and I settled on to the sofa to watch Andy Murray beat Milos Raonic in the final of the 2016 Wimbledon Championships. During the match I began to get period like pains and suspect that something might be starting. At 18.30 Mr H was serving up a dinner of roast pork, spinach and roast potatoes. I poked my head around the kitchen door and mentioned that there was a small possibility/ probability/ likelihood that I could be/ possibly/ may be in labour. We decided to sit down and have our dinner and see how I felt afterwards. After the last forkful, I rushed upstairs to the bathroom. I came back downstairs and confirmed that what I suspected was actually happening....
My hospital bags – what have I packed?

My hospital bags – what have I packed?

Last weekend, I began to feel that Little Mister H might make an early appearance. And I panicked! I hadn’t written a birth plan and my hospital bags weren’t packed. Spurred on by the thought of Little Mister H arriving into chaos I packed my bags and wrote my plan. And I feel much happier knowing that I’m ready for Little Mister H’s arrival (well, as ready as I will ever be). What have I packed in my hospital bags? Knowing what to pack in a hospital bag is difficult. And I get confused by the online hospital bag check lists. So I decided to create my own check list. And in this post I want to share the essentials that I have packed in my hospital bags. If you want the full rundown of what I have packed and why then you’ll need to watch my vlog – “My hospital bags – what have I packed?”: Little Mister H’s hospital bag Little Mister H’s hospital bag is the toTs by SmarTrike Voyage Changing Bag in Dark Grey Mélange* and is fabulous. I have never seen a changing bag that is this spacious (it is filled with extra pockets and bags) and stylish. The outside material is waterproof and can be wiped down. The dark grey fabric is practical and Mr H is very pleased that it is a more masculine changing bag than our current floral bag. I love the size of this bag and I was surprised at how much it holds. It is going to be perfect when I have to cart round the belongings of a three-year old and a newborn. Plus, I can use it as a...
What I wore … for afternoon tea at the savoy

What I wore … for afternoon tea at the savoy

Back in May, my best friend took me to the Savoy for afternoon tea. We live at opposite ends of the country and don’t get to see each other that often. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to throw me a baby shower and so this was her treat to me. She has been hugely supportive through all the miscarriages and is a fantastic spare mummy to Little Miss H. I know how happy she is that this pregnancy has gone well and that soon she will get to meet Little Mister H. What I wore … for afternoon tea at the Savoy … when 32 weeks pregnant.  I am ashamed to say that after my initial excitement about having afternoon tea at the Savoy my next thought was “what am I going to wear”. I did the maths and worked out that at that point I would be 32 weeks pregnant. I looked in my wardrobe and almost cried. I knew that none of my current maternity clothes would be suitable. (I partly blame my hormones for this overly dramatic reaction.) Thankfully, the wonderful maternity range Tiffany Rose came to my rescue and offered to send me a dress to wear for the day. Tiffany Rose design and make gorgeous maternity dresses for special occasions and weddings. As there is no reason pregnant woman can’t feel feminine, stylish and beautiful at a big event. It took me hours to choose a dress as there were so many I loved. I had to rope in my mother and many friends to help me decide. But eventually I plumped for the...
When pregnancy is a struggle

When pregnancy is a struggle

It is difficult to admit that something you have yearned for desperately has been a struggle. Ever since Little Miss H has been a few months old, I have wanted a second baby. The miscarriages that followed just made my desperation for that child more intense. Each loss took us further away from our longed for second child. But each loss made me more determined that we needed to become a family of four. During that heartbreak I would never allow myself to hope that I would be where I am now. Almost 35 weeks pregnant. And with the finishing line in sight. If I had allowed myself to see this pregnancy in my future, then I am sure that I would have seen a pregnancy full of joy. The reality has been very different. And it is terrible to say that something you wanted with every fibre of your being has been a struggle. The anxiety and fear of the first trimester was overwhelming. I couldn’t feel excited or happy about being pregnant.  Any scares or scans filled me with fear. I expected to be told that we had lost the baby. And even though the scans were always positive. I could not help but feel that we had been here before. That we were stuck in a terrible loop that we could not escape from. The 12 week scan left me in physical shock. And at that point we announced the pregnancy publicly. But I still could not relax. The tears weren’t so frequent but the anxiety would not go. I only truly began to relax after...

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