Welcome to the second post in the My rainbow baby blog series. I have created this series in the wish that it will give hope to anyone who has experienced baby loss or is struggling to have a longed for baby. Little Miss H and Little Mister H are not the only rainbow babies. There are many of them. And I want to share the beautiful and poignant tales of these special little rainbows. I am inviting others to tell these stories. To…
Dear friend It is traditional in these circumstances to say I am sorry for your loss. But those words seem empty and insulting. They imply that you have been careless and misplaced something valuable... a wallet, your keys, your phone. Those words don't convey that your world has come crashing down. They don't show that your heart is splintering into pieces. They don't speak of the shattering sobs that run through your whole body late at night. They don't tell of the emptiness that often manifests…
It is difficult to admit that something you have yearned for desperately has been a struggle. Ever since Little Miss H has been a few months old, I have wanted a second baby. The miscarriages that followed just made my desperation for that child more intense. Each loss took us further away from our longed for second child. But each loss made me more determined that we needed to become a family of four.…
How many children do I have? This is a question that has been weighing on my mind. In truth, I don't think that there is an answer that makes sense. And I wonder if that really matters. However, it still weighs on my mind. And I wanted to share my feelings in the hope that it might help someone else who is struggling with the same question.…
Pregnancy after baby loss is a time of mixed emotions. There are many moments of happiness and joy. But there’s also anxiety and fear. For any woman, who is pregnant after a miscarriage or stillbirth, there is one thing that she wants to know. How to survive pregnancy after baby loss. Back in November 2015, I discovered that I was pregnant for the sixth time in 3 years. We’re lucky to have a beautiful little girl. But we’ve also experienced…
I am now 18 weeks pregnant. This is my sixth pregnancy. And it is my fourth pregnancy after miscarriage. It is only now, at 18 weeks pregnant that I am beginning to relax a little and enjoy the pregnancy. I know that I will not be able to stop worrying until we have our baby at home. I wish that I could say that I breezed through the first trimester. That I was ecstatic when I saw that I was pregnant and…
I have to say it. I hate November. In my opinion, it is the hardest month of the year. And it is the month where I always struggle with my depression. I didn't always feel this way. As a child and a teenager I was indifferent to November. Nothing exciting happened. I spent the days waiting for December and the count down to Christmas. That all changed on Saturday, 23rd November 2002. That was the day that I made serious plans to take my life…